I like you
And I know why,
I like you because
You are good person to like.
I like you because
When I tell you something special
You know it's special
And you remember it
A long, long time.
You say,
"Remember when you told me
something special?"
And both of us remember.

When I think something is important,
You think something is important,
You think it's important too.
We have good ideas.
When I say something funny, you laugh.
I think I'm funny.
You think I'm funny too.
I like you because
You know where I'm ticklish
And you don't tickle me there
Except just a tiny bit . . .
Sometimes.
Stop!
But if you do, then I know where
To tickle you too.
You know how to be silly.
That's why I like you.
Yep! Are you ever silly!
I never met anyone sillier than me
Till I met you.

I like you because
You know when it's time to stop
Being silly.
Maybe day after tomorrow.
Maybe never.
Oops! Too late!
It's quarter past silly.
We fool around the same way all the time.
Sometimes we don't say a word.
We snurkle under fences,
We spy secret places.
If I'm a goofus on the roofus,
You are one too.
If I pretend I'm drowning.
You pretend you're saving me.
If I am getting ready to pop a paper bag,
Then you are ready to jump.
That's because you really like me.
You really like me, don't you?
And I like you back.
And that's the way we keep going
Everyday . . .

If I go away, then you go away.
Or if I stay home,
You send me a postcard.
You just don't say
Well, see you around sometime.
Bye.
I like you a lots because of that.
If we go away together
And if I get lost in Grand Central Station,
Then you are the one that's yelling
For me:
Hey, where are you?
Here I am.

I like you because
When I am feeling sad
You don't cheer me up right away.
Sometimes it's better to be sad.
You can't stand others being
So googly and googly
Every single moment.
You want to know about things.
It takes time.
I like you because
If I am mad at you
Then you get mad at me too.
It's awful when the other person isn't.
Phooey!
They are just so nice and so hoo-hoo you
Could just punch them in the nose.

I like you because
When I think I am going to throw up
You don't pretend you are busy
Looking at the birds and all that.
You say : "Maybe it was something
You ate."
You say: "That happened to me one time."
And the same thing did.
If you find two four leaf clovers,
You give me one.
If I find four, I give you two.
If we find only three, we keep looking.
Sometimes we have good luck
And sometimes we don't.

If I break my arm and if you break your
Arm too,
Then it is lots of fun to have a
Broken arm.
You tell me about mine
And I tell you about yours.
We both sorry.
We write names and draw pictures.
We show everybody and they wish they
Had broken arms too.

I like you because ----- I don't know why ----
But -----
Everything that happens is nicer with you.
I can't remember when I didn't like you.
It must have been lonesome then.
I like you because ----- because ---- because ----
It's fourth of July
On the fifth of July.
And if you and I had some drums
And some horns and horses and some
Fire engines,
We could be holiday
We could be a celebration
We could be a whole parade.
See what I mean?
Even if it was the nine hundredth and
Ninety-ninth of July
Even if it was August
Even if it was way down at the bottom of November
Even if it was no place on particular
In January

I would go on choosing you
And you would go on choosing me
Over and over again.
That's how it would happen every time.
I don't know why.
I guess I don't know why I really
Like you.
Why do I like you? ? ?
I guess I like you ---
I guess I like you ---
Because I LIKE YOU.

She sat beside me and believe me, I don’t know how to explain the feelings I felt. All I know is, how I wish the time would stop and freeze that moment to last forever.

“Kamusta na project nyo?”, she asked.
“Eto malapit na, lagyan ko na lang siguro ng ilaw para maganda”, I replied.
“Waw, galing talaga ng mga ideas niyo”, she said
“He he he, kelangan pumasa.. eh kayo?”
“Ok lang naman, malapit ng matapos, finishing na lang din, sana indi magloko during the presentation”
“Ah..”

We kept silenced for a while until that Carpenters song aired into the radio.

“Wow! Favorite ko yan!”, she said with a smile on her eyes.
“Ows? Ako din pero mas gusto ko yung ‘Yesterday Once More’ at ‘Only Yesterday’ tsaka ‘You’ nila he he he”, I said.
“Gusto ko din yung mga yun, but I prefer this one, kasi di ba, you have to love me for what I am, indi mo kelangan baguhin ang isang tao kung mahal mo siya, just love me for being me.”, she said
“Tama”, I answered.
“Hmn, may tanong ako sa’yo..”
“Ano yun?”
“Do you like me?”, she asked

I was shocked by that question. Ganun na ba ako ka-obviuos at katorpe at babae na ang nagtatanong.

“Some friend of mine is telling me na you somehow like me”, she continued.
“I like you, at oo mahal kita”, I answered not looking at her. I’m afraid to see her reaction.
“Eh bakit indi mo ko nililigawan?”, she asked again.
“Dahil ba sa nililigawan na ako ni XXX? O dahil sa takot ka sa akin?”, she asked again.
“No, it’s just that I don’t have enough courage to show it, pero mahal kita….indi ko lang talaga maintindihan ang sarili ko at bakit indi ko kaya ipakita.”, I said. 
“Alam mo bang nanliligaw siya sa akin?”, she asked.
“I know, and I’m fine with it, we’re both fine”, I said and smiled at her honestly.

She smiled back at me, my eyes meet hers, silence was once again back in the room, that lasted for maybe for a few seconds at that was one of the longest seconds of my life. I looked away, I gazed outside the window.

“Ano ba gusto mo sa isang babae?”, she asked.
“Hmn, ano ba gusto mo sa isang lalake?”, I asked.
“Someone who will love me the way I am.”, she answered.
“That would be too easy, no wonder why you had so many suitors, andali ng requirement mo, indi ka naman kasi mahirap mahalin.”, I said.
“Mahirap lang ligawan…”

Silence once again engulfed us.

“You didn’t answer my question…”, she said.
“Do I have to? Alam mo na ang sagot di ba?”, I said.

A few footsteps can be heard from the stairs. The door opened, the others came in..

“Oy! Anu ginagawa niyo??? Kayo ah…”
“He he he, gumagawa ng milagro, mga istorbo he he he.”, I said.

(to be continued…)

We had a design project in our school and it had to be five members per group, a project for the whole semester, and we have to rent an apartment just to be able to finish and concentrate on the said project. We’ve manage to find one along Espana, a 3-story apartment, 4 bedrooms, we decided to rent it with my classmates. 20 of us, both boys and girls have to live in one roof for the whole semester for a big project. 10 boys and 10 girls, the boys will occupy the third floor and girls will be on the second floor. The twenty of us become very close during that semester.

I was so happy and glad, with that scenario, I will not only be able to see her during daytime but also during nighttime, and to top that, I maybe able to say ‘goodnight’. Like I said, falling in love is not easy, in that apartment, I’m not the only one interested on her.

Three guys have to stand the test of time and love. One have fallen during that semester (one of my closest friend, ‘katropa’), another one is the one whose afraid to show it (I guess that would be me), and the last one would be the one I least expect…… my bestfriend.

It was hard for me to learn that he had fallen deeply on the girl that I’ve loved. Well, they usually go out a lot of times but I thought it was nothing. One night, there was a birthday party on one of our classmates. Most of the guys got drunk, I feel dizzy but I still can manage, I am not a heavy drinker after all. That very night, time stood still on us and it was one of the longest night in my life.

“Pare, mahal mo ba siya? Gaano mo siya kamahal?”, he asked.
“Mahal na mahal syempre, lam mo na siguro di ba? Andalas ko nga magkwento sau eh.”
“Ah…oo nga..alam ko..”

He paused for a few minutes, asks me if I could give him a warm water to drink. I went down to get a drink and came back. As he took a sip..

“Pare, may sasabihin ako sa’yo pero wag ka sanang magagalit…”
“Magagalit ako kung uutusan mo akong bumaba ulet at ikuha ng maiinom”, I joked.
“Hindi pare, seryoso ako.. may problema kasi ako eh”, he continued as I see some seriousness in his face as if every word his going to say meant.
“May problema ako sa puso pare, komplikado, basta sana indi masira yung kung ano tayo ngayon”, he said.

That time, I just listened… his face became pale, and I know it’s not the alcohol that make makes it, it was the thing he has been keeping for a long time. He started to cry in front of me.

“Pare, mahal ko siya, ang totoo niyan nililigawan ko siya..”, he said.

I was stunned. I’m not sure if I was having a bad dream, the time stops, I didn’t hear anything as if all my senses are taken away, I couldn’t even feel my pulses. I was just staring at him, blank.

“Mahal ko siya pare, sorry”, he said again as he cried.

My consciousness regained.

“Alam ko…”, I replied (yeah, that was lie)
“Ha? Alam mong nanliligaw ako?”, he asked and was shocked.
“No, ibig kong sabihin, alam kong may gusto ka, hinihintay ko lang na magsabi ka sa akin”, I said (another lie)
“Hindi ka galit? Pare, alam kong lasing ako, wala kasi akong lakas ng loob na sabihin sa’yo ito, noon ko pa gusto sabihin pero alam ko kung gaano mo siya kamahal, pero pare.. di ko na kaya eh, mababaliw ako”, he said as he continue to cry.

I felt bad that night, how could my best friend fall in love with girl I am in love. How in a world did destiny let this thing happen. I felt some tears are already falling from my eyes and I can’t hide it in front of my best friend. And I know from that moment, he knows how much I was hurt.

“Pare, ayokong masira ang pagkaka-ibigan natin... kaya ko sinabi to sa’yo”, he said.
“Ayoko din masira… aaminin ko sa iyo, masakit para sa akin pero kelangan natin tanggapin, eh ganun talaga eh, kaya nga heart rob eh, swerte niya noh?”, I said just to keep any uneasy feelings we had.
“Oo nga eh, pati tayo nasisira dahil sa kanya”
“Bakit? Nasira na ba? As far as I know magkaibigan pa din tayo, ewan ko sa iyo, kasi matagal kang nagtatago dyan at nagkokontrol ng feelings mo, mabaho yan pare pag lumabas he he he”, I fooled around.
“Gago! He he he, kanina pa ako umutot, habang umiiyak ako.”, he said as he wiped the tears from his face.
“Kaya pala eh, langya ka, sinaktan mo na ako, umutot ka pa sa harapan ko.”
“He he he, seryoso pare, sorry talaga”, he said.
“Pare, may the best man wins. Tsaka eto pa isa, baka indi mo alam, si Dalmatian, inlab din dun!”, I said.
“Oo nga eh, kumag na yun, at dumagdag pa ”
“Ha ha ha, basta pre, kung sino manalo manlibre he he he”, he continued.
"Pare, torpe ako alam mo ba yun, kaya ipapaubaya ko na sya sa inyo, besides kilala naman na kita, kaya sa iyo na at palagay ko gusto ka din naman nya eh"., I said
“Tado ka kasi, torpe mo eh kaya inunahan na kita ha ha ha”
“Gago! Paano ako poporma eh nauna ka na! ha ha ha”, I just said.

We sleep that night as if nothing happened but we both know deep within ourselves it’s going to be a tough ride. But we’re both glad the friendship is still there. It’s just that we’re both in love at the same girl.

Two months before graduation, one night where all of my classmates were downstairs doing some guitar sessions and I was alone on our room listening to some music.. when someone knocks on the door..

“Bukas yan…Pasok…”, I said.

The door opened, and there… she was standing with a sweet smile, blooming still.

“Naabala ba kita? Napansin ko kasi na wala ka sa baba? Kaya ako umakyat..”, she said as she closed the door.
“Ah, nakikinig lang ako ng radio”, I replied.
“Samahan na lang kita.. ok lang ba?”, she asked as she sat beside me.
“Ano pa nga ba magagawa ko eh nandito ka na, he he he.. joke!”, I said.
“Sige alis na ako…”, as she stand
“Teka, joke lang…. kaw naman di ka na nasanay sa akin”, I said as I grabbed her hand.

She sat beside me and we continued to talk.  (to be continued.)

(excerpt from my friend's blog)

the shock on is face everytime he sees me.
that caught my attention.
have we met or what?
i mean hey! who is this guy?

damn. the grave shift.i hate it.
not until i met him.
while i was busy figuring out root causes of things.
we're on the same shift, on the same bus, on the same way home.

since then i have never been afraid.
crossed the ever busy osmeña hi-way.
walked fearlessly the rocky rails of magallanes.
assured that i'll be safe as i ride the fx home.

woah! BREAK.... STOP.... WAKE UP....
a ring on his finger....
friends say he might be single however, inner voice speaks louder.
why should i ask him? i don't even wanna know if he's taken.

hwell.... he may not be as special as ----- =)
but whatever! he makes me laugh.
yeah. an endangered one.
and oh, he reads minds too.

masaya ko pag kasama sya.
hindi kumpleto ang araw ko pag hindi ko sya nakikita.
hahahah! ako ba yun?
hinde noh!!! sya yun!

i didn't see him for a week.
he said he was on vacation.
things were not the same now.
and that mnade me wonder.

on my way home, i was alone.
saw him walking so fast that evening.
so close.
yet so far.

the next day he asked me where was i that night.
i told him he went ahead kaya he didn't see me.
he showed me his mobile phone with a pretty nice wallpaper.
it was him.... and his newborn baby.

silence.
cute baby.
returned the phone smiling.
i looked at him and saw his clouds sayin
'"sayang.... i was late...."

After my short vacation in our province, my mom decided to let me pursue my studies here in Manila. I plan on taking up Mechanical Engineering but they want me to go for Computer Science or Computer Engineering. I took up on Computer Engineering, had to study at one of the prestigious Universities along the Greater Manila stretch.

I find it even more difficult to adjust in my new atmosphere, harder than my secondary studies. Aside from the fact that I have to travel more or less than an hour from our Apartment to the university every day, I had to cope up with lots of personal and family problems, growing up is hard especially when you realize that you cannot just easily get away from problems, turning back wouldn't do you good, so the best way is to go ahead and face them.

My mom have to get back to Hongkong in order for me to continue my studies, being far from my parents left me with no one to talk to whenever I have problems and believe me, I had lots of sleepless nights. Until they asks my aunt to be with me during my first two years of college. I was already a third year computer engineering student when my aunt had to get back to our province because she had her own family to take care of.

My two cousins are about to graduate on their secondary level and their parents decided to let them join me here in Manila to which they will pursue their college degree. We all get to study in the same university, go home on the same apartment and believe me, it was one of the happiest moments of my life. We became close to each other, almost as brothers and sisters, almost as best of friends, we share each others problems, whenever one is down, there is always someone who comforts and give good advices, whenever someone is happy, he/she share whatever that happiness is.

That time, I already learn to forget the feelings I have for my childhood crush (yeah, for that long I've been keeping it..), but I'm not saying that I totally forget her, I can still remember the moments we had, like I've said, they will stay with me forever, it helps me to grow, it somehow contributes to what I am right now…

And what I am right now? Well, some say that the healers of love are the renewals of love, you can't just forget someone else in an instant without finding that love in a form of another person. And yes, I found one during my college days, she was my classmate when I was in my third year, I didn't notice her then, maybe because I kept my heart locked and through a way the key in some place no one knows.

It was my fifth year when she found that key and open my heart to new horizons. Falling in love isn't that easy on her. It was joy and sadness and thrill at the same time. She was a heart rob during those years and I presume until now ^_^. I've learned that I am not the only one who has fallen for her. Aside from five guys in our block to which includes me, she had other suitors in the university and probably outside the university. You see, the competition is not easy, a lot of enemies ha ha ha.

Although I'm on of those five who got some advantage 'coz she's our classmate and we got to see her most of the time, I don't have that enough courage to express my feelings on her. I'm one of those 'torpe' guys during my college degree, perhaps the disappointments I had during my childhood somewhat contributed on that, I seemed to be afraid of rejection or perhaps afraid I might be hurt again.. I've manage to bring the broken pieces back together and I'm afraid to break it again.

It was our last semester when something big happen, a decision has to be made, another risk is about to be written… (to be continued)

Gaya ng inaasahan, bago pa man sumapit ang nakaraang Pasko at Bagong Taon, alam kong magiging malamig na aking Valentines Day at tanging hiram na laptop lang ang nag-iinit dahil sa paglalaro ng PC Games o di kaya eh panonood ng DVD o di kaya eh dahil sa pagbabasa ng manual at pag-iinstall ng software (in short, mga trabahong indi natapos sa opisina).

Yan ang nakagawian ko na. Simula pa noong nag-aaral ako, oras na dumating ang V-day na wala akong date, either you see me playing games with my schoolmates or reading Komiks or worst eh writing love letters using our very old typewriter kahit wala naman akong pagbibigyan. Hindi naman ako kapangitan at indi rin kagwapuhan, mailap lang siguro si kupido. O sadyang ayaw niya akong bigyan..
I was a college student when I first learn the basics of computer, indi pa uso ang mouse noon, walang Pentium, as in you have to use that 286 computer using only keyboard (na sintigas ng typewriter ang mga keys) at higit sa lahat dot matrix ang monitor ko, tapos tatlong klase lang ng kulay ang makikita mo sa screen, either black and white (which is common), yung kulay orange ang text, at yung green screen. Pag nakakita ka ng kulay orange or green na text that time eh astig ka na nun. “Waw! Orange text! Ang galing! Pano mo ginawa yan?” yan ang tanong sa akin ng mga klasmates kong manghang-mangha sa colored kong monitor. Usong-uso pa ang typewriter ng panahon na yun kaya kung may computer ka eh siguradong sikat ka, “angas”. Syanga pala, nasa probinsiya pa namin yung unang kompyuter ko na yun na ang battery pa na gamit eh apat na Eveready “AA”, I’m not sure if nandun pa yung first ever love letter ko written in MS Dos Edit.

As far as I can remember, indi pa uso ang MS Word that time, so if you happen to write a love letter to a girl na babasted sa iyo sa bandang huli ay kailangan mong i-type using Wordstar. Or kung wala kang alam sa wordstar eh sa MS DOS Edit ka gagawa ng sulat na kukuyumusin lang ng babaeng pagbibigyan mo sa araw ng mga puso (yeah! been there, done that, experienced that).

I can still remember one funny moment when I first saw a computer with a mouse attached to it, I grew up in a small town (in short, nasa kapatagan na malapit sa bundok), kaya alam mo na siguro ibig sabihin nun, para akong Wordstar na sumasabay sa MS Word sa loob ng Pentium IV na processor, pede naman kaya nga lang ang hirap sumabay sa mga classmates ko, to the fact na noon ko lang nalaman na “mouse” pala ang tawag sa bagay na kumokontrol sa cursor na gumagalaw galaw sa screen. It was hard for me to control that mouse when I first used it lalo na nga at sharing kami ng terminals (swerte ko na lang at katabi ko crush ko, pero malas pa din kasi indi ako pedeng magpasikat, alangan namang ipagmayabang ko yung skills ko sa MS DOS Edit at ang pinamana sa aking Wordstar skills samantalang gumagamit sila ng MS Word at Excel).

A month after at nakapag-adjust na din ako at mas lalong na-enhanced ang aking “mouse-using” skills dahil sa Command and Conquer at Diablo he he he. Honestly, because of this two PC games, I was able to control the mouse properly while playing with the keyboard and while talking to the other player, iba talaga nagagawa ng games. My typing skills was enhanced when I learned MS Word, madalas kasi eh gusto ng professor na computerized ang reports na isusubmit namin. At indi lang typing skills kundi pati paggawa ng love letter eh gumanda na din, imagine, I can now insert pictures in my love letter, create borders, colored letters, pede ngang per letter eh iba-iba ang size at font at kung anu-ano pa. At mas lalo pang naging astig at maangas ang paggagawa ko ng loveletter na yan ng lumabas at na-uso ang colored printer (yung inkjet ah, panget kasi ang ribbon). Syempre, kahit alam kong hindi ako type ng babaeng nambasted sa akin eh alam kong tuwang-tuwa yun ng binigyan ko ng scented, computer generated love letter (o ha! angal ka pa! mahal kaya ng pagkaka-print ko nun, hirap pa ako sa pagpapatuyo ng ink).

I graduated as a Computer Engineer, and believe me, I can feel the rapid change of technology. Diyan na-enhance yung loveletter writing ko, unfortunately I graduated ng hindi man lang nakaranas magkaroon ng girlfriend sa kabila ng computer written love letter na yan. Just like what I’ve said, Bill Gates’ and IBM’s products are the only things I have with me during those days where people go out and wear red shirts or two people walk with one shadow or roses in Dimasalang seem to get cheap. I don’t feel bad anyway except that fact of feeling alone (anyway, uso na naman ang YM noon kaya magdamagan akong nakikipag-chat).

Another year passed, then came the invention of laptops, plasma monitors, handhelds at kung anu-ano pa, let’s just not focus on computers – nauso ang cellular phone, naluma ang pagers, ganda nga ng technology ngayon kasi you can have a cellular phone, mp3 player, camera, radio and organizer in just one small gadget. That simply means I don’t have to write love letters anymore, I just have to type it on my cellphone and in just a second or two, presto! Matatanggap na nya. I can even interface that cellular phone in any desktop or laptops or whatever it is that I want to as long as I have that proper software.

It has been years since I graduated, still technology is on its fast pace, but it seems cupid is having problems upgrading his system if he happen to have one at kung sakaling magkita kami bebentahan ko siya ng mga ERP solutions namin para naman ma-ihanap na niya ako. And I was just wondering, sa anong technology kaya niya ako bibigyan ng tinatawag na “someone-to-be-with”. I just hope Bill Gates and IBM is still there to witness when that time comes…

Syanga pala, bago ko makalimutan, nauso na din pala ang internet at isa ako sa mga members ng blogworld and I do hope one day, someone would notice me… Maliit lang ang mundo ng IT at malamang isa na siya sa mga nakabasa or magbabasa nito..sana nga.. sana…

         How many times have you sung Lupang Hinirang? Lost count? How about Happy Birthday or Ang Pasko Ay Sumapit? What did you feel the last time you sang or listened to any of these tunes? Have they become too common that they have begun to seem meaningless? Or do they continue to give you that inspiring or joyful feeling?
         I tell choir members and musician in my music ministry seminars that “singing a new song to the Lord” may not necessarily mean singing “brand new songs” in every prayer meeting or mass. They can be old songs but with a new touch!
         New musical arrangements.
         New vocal blending.
         New tunes to old lyrics.
         New  lyrics to old tunes. (you should hear us do rock n’ roll music to old praise songs).
         But most important of all, I would say that songs can indeed be the same old songs --- but sung with a fresh new heart and spirit!
         So the next time you sing Ama Namin for the 1,584th time (I actually computed that for an average 40 year-old attending Sunday mass since age 7), check if you are singing that old song with a brand new heart!
         The Lord wants us to offer a new life to Him!
         The Lord wants us to sing a new song to Him!

I wake up one day facing another chapter of my life, for what it might bring me, I don’t know yet but I’m sure I still have her (my childhood crush) in my heart and in my mind, but just like what they said it’s not even called a puppy love because we were just kids back then.

I continued my studies under my uncles’ supervision; which is far from my Grandmas’ house, my mom decided to let me pursue my secondary education in Laguna. It was 9-13 hours ride depending on traffic conditions. Imagine the number of hours and distance that would separate me from the town I grew up to.

It wasn’t hard for me to cope up with the new environment as well as to my new acquaintances in school or should I call it academy. Here, I’ve met a girl where I guess I can say, somehow brings back the excitement in my daily life. But, this is the first time I’ve realized that as we grow old, our life would become complicated and that to some… it makes them more human and for some… I don’t know… but as for me, pursuing to court her is hard for some reasons like; my parents don’t want me to because I’m too young (I’m just 16 going on 17), I used to stay on my uncle’s house and he is really strict, reasons like I guess she didn’t like me, and that someone is already courting her, and worst is we don’t share the same religion etc…

Most of my friends tell me to go for it and so I did…..

And that was the first time my heart was broken by the girl I dreamt of. I didn’t shed a tear for it, I just felt bad about it. And that brought me back to the kid I used to play with, the girl I used to laugh and cry with, the one I used to share my feelings with… I still miss her…

After graduating from my high school, they plan to let me spend my vacation to our  province in Isabela, I was happy to learn about that news. Knowing I might be able to meet her again -Jonalyn, how she look like after 4 long years. I heard that she also used to go back to our hometown every school break.

It was another summer season when we arrive at my grandmas’ house. She (my grandma) was very happy to see me (Lola’s favorite daw kasi ako, spoiled kid). And I too, am happy to see her, lots of questions to ask and to answer, one day is not enough for us to say “hi” and “hellos”. Then I came to asks her to my grandma. I used to call my lola “Mamala”

“Mamala, si Jonalyn po? Dumating na ba?”
“Naku apo! Di mo naabutan nandito siya last week, kaso umalis na din kagabi pabalik ng Manila.”

Yeah, that’s too bad, we missed each other. She went back to Manila the night we left in Laguna. And the more bad news is….

“Eh Mamala, kelan daw sya babalik dito? San daw siya mag-aaral ng college? Anong course ang kukunin niya”

My lola, seems to notice I was really eager and excited to see her once again, before she reply to me, she had this facial expression that I know it wouldn’t be good.

“Apo, di na yun babalik, sa America na daw siya mag-aaral, dumaan nga siya rito kahapon, akala niya kasi kahapon ang uwi mo…”

I was stunned the moment I hear that heartbreaking news from my grandma, It felt like my fractured heart was again broken into fine pieces that I felt like I can’t bring the pieces back anymore. It felt like I was deafened by the loud echoes of silence…

Well… what else can I do, she’s gone, we missed it, I had to accept it, who knows… may be one day we’ll meet again… she might not be able to make my world go round again but I know deep within me, she did made the ride worthwhile even for those little moments when we were still kids.

I can still hear her laugh…
I can still smell the fresh air from the grass we use to sit down and talk to for hours….
I can still feel her whispering secrets in my ears…
And in my mind I can still see her smiling back at me…..
Waving at me… doing the sign languages that only the two of us can understand… (to be continued)

WARNING : PATNUBAY NG MAGULANG AY KAILANGAN, GALING LANG SA E-MAIL ITO AT NILAGAY SA BLOG UPANG MAGBIGAY KASIYAHAN AT HINDI UPANG TULARAN (WAG NA KAYONG MAKULIT!!! HILAIN ANG NANAY O TATAY NA EDAD 20 PATAAS PERO TIYAKIN MUNA NA ALA DIN SILANG SUICIDAL TENDENCIES)

I.  Bago ang lahat, alamin muna ang tamang dahilan ng pagsu-sucide.. Kung ang problema mo
ay dahil lang sa iniwan ka ng minamahal mo, di kdapat magpatiwakal! Hello?! Ang mundo ay
tambak ng mga tao na pwede mong mahalin kya di ka dpat mwalan ng pagasa.

II.  Ngunit kung desidido ka na sa gagawin mo at sa tingin mo ay meron kng tamang dahilan pra
gawin ito, ang sunod mong gagawin ay ang pagpili ng paraan nito. Ang mga popular na paraan ay ang pagbigti, paginom ng lason, paglaslas, pagbaril sa sarili at pagpigil ng hininga.

(Note: 1. tandaan na maari k png mabuhay pagnagkamali ka sa pagsasagawa ng mga  nabanggit, kaya pumili lamang ng isa na hiyang sau.)

(Note: 2. Alalahaning dyahe kung pagtitinginan ng mga tao ang mukha mo sa ataul na muka kng dehydrated na langaw.)

III.  Sumulat ng suicide note. Eto ang exciting! Ditto mo pedeng sisihin lahat ng tao, at wla clang
magagawa! Sbhin mo na di mo gus2ng tapusin ang iyong buhay kaso lng badtrip clang lahat! Pero wag ding kalimutang humingi ng tawad sa banding huli pra mas cool.

(Note: Tandaan n importanteng gumawa ng suicide note pra malaman ng tao n ngsuicide k at hndi na-murder! Sa ganitong paraan maiiwasan ng  PNP ang pagkuha sa kalye ng kahit sinong tambay pra gawing suspect.)

IV. Pumili ng themesong. Banggitin ang iyong special request sa suicide note at ibilin na
patugtugin sa libing.

(Note: Iwasan ang mga kanta ng Salbakutah! Jologs!! Dapat mejo mellow at meaningful.. para gayahin ng iba!)

V . Isulat ng maayos ang suicide note. Print. Iwasan ang bura. Lagdaan.

(Note: Ilagay ang suicide note sa lugar kung saan madaling makita. Idikit sa noo!)

VI . Planuhin ang isusuot. Isang beses k lng mamatay kaya dpat memorable ang get-up. Pumili ng telang di umuurong o makati sa katawan.

VII . Magpareserve ng de-kalidad n kabaong.Maganda ang kulay n puti, mukang komportable.
Huwag magtipid.

VIII . Pumili narin ng magandang pwesto sa sementeryo. Pumili ng di masikip.

(Note: Kung ikw ay nabibilang sa Year of the rat, Dragon, rabbit, tiger, beef or monster. Wag na mamili ng lilibingan sapagkat ang mga nabibilang sa taon n e2 ay dpat i-cremate at gawing foot powder,, pra gumaan ang pasok ng pera sa mga naiwan.)

IX. Itaon ang araw ng iyong pagsu-suicide sa ung fav. no. sa calendar pra masaya!

X . Kung naplano mo na lhat-lhat, Magisip ng mabuti at paulit-ulit! Isipin na ang gagawin mo ay hndi kanais-nais at lubhang makasalanan! Magisip.

My mom only had one eye. I hated her... she was such an embarrassment.. my mom ran a small shop at a flea market. She collected little weeds and such to sell... anything for the money we needed she was such an embarrassment. there was this one day during elementary school.. it was field day, and my mom came. i was so embarrassed. how could she do this to me? I threw her a hateful look and ran out.

The next day at school..."your mom only has one eye?!?!" and they taunted me. I wished that my mom would just dissappear from this world so i said to my mom, "mom.. why dont you have the other eye?! If you're only gonna make me a laughingstock, why dont you just die?!!!" my mom did not respond.. i guess i felt a little bad, but at the same time, it felt good to think that i had said what i'd wanted to say all this time.. maybe it was because my mom hadn’t punished me, but i didnt think that i had hurt her feelings very badly.

That night...i woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. my mom was crying there, so quietly, as if she was afraid that she might wake me. i took a look at her, then turned away.
because of the thing i had said to her earlier, there was something pinching at me in the corner of my heart. Even so, i hated my mother who was crying out of her one eye. so i told myself that i would grow up and become successful. Cause i hated my one-eyed mom and our desperate poverty..

Then i studied real hard. I left my mother and came to Seoul and studied, and got accepted in the Seoul University with all the confidence i had.

Then, i got married. i bought a house of my own. then i had kids, too.. now i'm living happily as a successful man. i like it here because it's a place that doesn’t remind me of my mom.

This happiness was getting bigger and bigger, when.. what?! who's this?! ...it was my mother...
..still with her one eye. it felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me. my little girl ran away, scared of my mom's eye. and i asked her,

"who are you?!"
"i dont know you!!!" as if trying to make that real. I screamed at her," how dare you come to
my house and scare my daughter!"

"GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!"

And to this, my mother quietly answered, "oh, i'm so sorry. i may have gotten the wrong address,"
and she dissappeared out of sight.

Thank good ness... she doesnt recognize me.. i was quite relieved.

I told myself that i wasnt going to care, or think about this for the rest of my life. then a wave of relief came upon me...

One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. so, lying to my wife that I was going on a business trip, i went. After the reunion, i went down to the old shack, that i used to call a house...just out of curiosity

There, i found my mother fallen on the cold ground. But i did not shed a single tear. She had a piece of paper in her hand.... it was a letter to me.

My son... i think my life has been long enough now.. and... i wont visit Seoul anymore...but would it be too much to ask if I wanted you to come visit me once in a while? I miss you so much.. and i was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. but i decided not to go to the school.
...for you... and i'm sorry that i only have one eye, and i was an embarressment for you.

You see, when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. as a mom, i
couldn’t stand watching you having to grow up with only one eye... so i gave you mine... i was so proud of my son that was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye. I was
never upset at you for anything you did.. the couple times that you were angry with me,.. i
thought to myself, 'it's because he loves me..'

my son... oh, my son...